I Think...

I had a big fight with Will again, and I am getting really tired of it.... but he refused to break up with me... He wants me to have this "give it away" mentality... it is from the famous band the Red Hot Chilli Pepper.. and it is about giving everything away... Anthony (the singer) wrote on his autobiography that once he went to this girl's house and saw this awesome jacket. then she said, if you want it, you can have it. so the moral will be to spread love and kindness and to give everything away, even if it the most precious things that you have... and im thinking... that's a jacket... i dont think she will let her husband sleep with another girl just because she has this kind of mentality... and Will is my foundation... and if Will wants me to give him away to the society then i cant have him as my foundation.

so I think.. this is the only way out from all this misery, i find something else as the source of my energy, stability and i wont depend my self on Will, or anyone. i wont need him, and i need to find my inner peace... so that i dont need Will especially to be happy... ill be happy and Will will be like that jacket, something that contributing to my happiness, and i can give it away to people and still feel happy about my life and myself... i think that's it. just slowly reduce the amount of love and close myself to people again... i do that!