My Update

Esther left :( very sucky indeed... i need a new bff now... should make a reality tv show just like Paris Hilton just to find a new bff for me.... meh!

I know that my new yearresolution is to be happy and cheerful... but just like other people it is easier to say than to be done... just has been a giant roller coaster ride for me since newyear... mostly worrying about Will hanging out with girls... and just have to keep asking my self "who's robbing your extacy?" and "why do you let someone else effecting your emotion" over and over again... sigh...

since my work is pretty boring and sometime doesnt require any hard thinking, i need to keep distracting myself from over thinking... so just keep on thinking stupid useless thing like... what are the wrong bit from that "300" movie... hmmm... the culture of it says that bla bla bla and so on... yes indeed i did think about it.

but since i found this little mp3 thingy that i can put not so many songs in it... kinda more than 20 songs i think but still good... Kylie Minoque saves me from all those crap at work... i dont know why but i guess the dance music really kept me going.

my face is breaking out again... so im not sure if it the lack of sleep or the stress or the diet or the dirty money... so many things to sus on....

and Chris... dont think he's giving up yet... he's got Esther's blessing apparently... i cant just stoptalking to him cos then it will be very wierd... and so i have to put up with him for another 2 months i hope.... he is nice tho... very nice and attentive... but very different from me... i like mountain he likes beach for example.... meh

thinking all this things that has been happening in my life... i dont know... keep thinking back to those days when i was doing my work placement at IIYS... and one of the client, a girl that i cant mentioned her name due to the organisation policy and procedure and also due to the poor memory that i have, was really looking up at me. she told me that i must be very happy since my life is so picture perfect... that i'm pretty, have a bf that loves me, went to uni, good education, good relationship with my parents, and can bake delicious cakes.... i laugh at that over and over again cos i know it is far from what it seems... but then it motivates me to be that.... if by doing that can inspire people in a way then i want to become more than i am now..

now... i dont know what im doing with my life now... feels like Will is fading away from my life... so i dont know if i am still going to hk or not anymore... im tying really hard to make this relationship works and wat do i get? a pic of him with his friend and a girl putting her head on his shoulder... skanky hoe! hope she die in a car accident.... or getting hit by a truck.... i dont care, as long as she died. and in time like this, always reminding me to care about myself first than to worry about other people.. so if he wants to play this twisted mind game wih me, he can lie and convince me that that is the truth but he will always know the truth and that will haunt him forever...

My room looks pretty good now... so im happy with how it turned out... but still want to add this and that to it...

in the end i would like to say that i am going to put my everything first before other people.. need to be able to take care of yourself before other people right?

love you all

xoxo
Aby