Still don't know what or how to write this... it happened to quick and i guess it was unexpected.... Will called on Friday night.... i didn't know what to do so i reject his calls..... but he kept on trying so i ignored them by taking shower. when i got back, there's 4 missed calls and a voice message left..... i listened to the voice message and he said that he had no one to talk to about his health condition... his red blood count is getting lower and lower because of the medication that he's taking.... and he misses me.... then i replied to him.... that when he needs me, he will go and find me but he doesn't even know what he did and not even apologising.... then he apologised saying that he screwed up and so on... but it still.... i don't know.... not sincere.... so i said to him... if he really want me to be okay again with him, come to Ippie now... and that was like 11 at night and he lives about 45 minutes away from my area. then he said he'll call when he reached... but by that time, I'm about to go to Esther's place.... brought Lesley's stuff and Ielts stuff to Taro, Esther and ML.... then i text him to go to unilink instead of my house.. cos i know that i cant talk to him at my house... while unilink is big.... and not many people live there at the moment.... and also if something happened, i have my group of friend ready to come and rescue....
Then he came... we sat down and trying to sort stuff out.... talk about stuff.... he apologised and the fact that he's coming up to ippie means something.... but then, he is just that kind of person that will go whenever if his friend called.... so we talked.... and he basically said that he sorry but he cant do anything about it cos he cant turn back the time.... but what i want is for him to understand at least how i feel... how is it feel to be played.... to be cheated and to be lied.... if he wants my support, sure.. i can give that to him... but i don't want one day he will just ditch me again just because he's not stable or something. he really needs to learn to think ahead.. not just because i feel like it, then i do it... or because it is fun, then ill do it.... simple thing like if he flirt around to many girls... he should know that the immediate respond of the girls will be he likes me.... and something might happened.... but if he only doing it just because its fun.... how would the girls feel about that..... being played and stuff... even a small thing like that.... sigh~
then in the end, he kinda use his guilt trip on me... again... saying that, he will leave me alone so that i can be happy and he will be miserable and dying and stuff..... and i thought... he deserves to suffer.... it is just like karma... but he doesn't think it that way.... and so in the end, i hugged him and he cried a little and i guess i just have to forgive him..... but it doesn't mean that i ready to accept the whole thing..... and he asked me out... and i guess i still want to be with him... but i don't know if i can trust him anymore.... so it is under trial control..... i spent my Sunday and Monday with him and yes, i can tell he really putting effort into the relationship and it was really making me happy.... but last night i confronted him about Michi's stuff.... what were you thinking when he did all those stuff.... and then he said he just entertaining the relationship.... just mucking around and joking around.... he realised that he screwed up but doesn't want to deal with the consequences..... i just want him to learn from that....... not just running away and ignore those whole thing and then go out to the world and do the same thing again..... not going to solve anything..... but now..... i don't know anymore.... whether he wants to go back to his hiding hole and ditch me again... or he actually going to reflect on those and be a better boyfriend.... not sure.... but i guess, if he not going to call then i have to call it off.
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