today was painful... working the whole day... from 11 am till 9.20pm... freaking tired... sigh~ but i did some errands today, so i guess that's good in away.... paid phone bill and called up the bar for my birthday reservation. but the whole day was boring... good thing i text ML... that was fun. because it was such a long boring hot day... i kept on thinking weird things... sigh....
Kelvin... my ex bf... we stopped talking to each other since junior high school until the end of last year... then I've found his msn and start talking to him again. so since the end of last year until now we are kinda close... there were abit of spark when we met again in the beginning of the year... but it wont work cos he doesn't want to move to Australia.. while i can see my future in here... but we remain close.. like really close friend... he is consider as one of my dear friend... kinda more than a friend... best friend??? hmm... probably something like that... but it was funny cos i remember he said something like "ill never be friend with my ex gf". but now, he has a new gf but he doesn't want to loose what we have now, which is fair enough.. cos i do still want him as my good friend... and i cant find a reason to hate him... he loved me and still love me but now as a dear friend. and i do still have that special space for him in my heart cos he is mean something for me.... and when he told me that he's going out with someone... i was abit cut... but then again, I'm glad that he found someone.... i am happy for him and wishing him to be happy with her... he is a very nice person and i think she's lucky to have him and I'm sure he loves her so much that he will always treat her good like a princess.... probably I'm cut because I'm all alone, no bf and stuff and he can find a gf and be happy... sigh.... but its all good.. something that i need to work on....
ML.... i know he's a very decent guy.... like, yes.. he is the type of guy that i can see my self with.... but only if he's bit mature or something... i remember what the Gypsy lady told me.. that i will find someone with a long term relationship potential that is destined to be together... she also mentioned that i need to think whether i can accept him for him or not.... and I'm trying to relate that to ML.... yes, i do think it was destined. that we were suppose to meet again and to have abit of spark with each other... i know that he's so quiet... but at the same time... i do enjoy his company.... and i do start thinking about him alot.... i guess it is better than thinking about Will all the time... meh.... i still don't know if i can accept him for who he is, because i know deep down I'm wishing for him to change... that's not good at all.... so i guess time will tell...
Will... yes, i still thinking about him... its like an obsession... keep thinking about it till i cant be bothered anymore and slowly going away from my mind. well... yea... i was thinking while I'm packing tables and chairs, what happened if Will died... my previous answer will be to cry and thinking i cant live without him and soon... but now... even if he called me and said he's dying... i still cant forgive him... even if he really begging and dying in front of me... and i know that's abit harsh or immoral or whatever... but really.. if everyone can be forgiven just because they are going to die, everyone will start using that excuse and start planning their own fake funeral and stuff.... i really do wish he will die soon and then go to hell... sigh... such a mean person... i think he deserve it...
This is my other random thought, but to curse someone to die... that means.... and how could u do that? sigh.... i should just forget about him, forgive him and just be a big person... I'm trying to be one... but it takes effort to be that forgiving... it is~
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